Not Again

How you guys doing? This is gonna SUCK!

(that's a Denis Leary quote for all you fans out there)

Remember last year when I was complaining about going to a nutritionist and getting all my cheese taken away? And then later, how it was progressing? Well let me catch you up on my food troubles since then. Don't worry, it's a pretty short list..

  • After 3 or so months eating gluten-, dairy-, and soy-free, I couldn't pinpoint what exactly helped/didn't help with the diet and what I should avoid. Β So my nutritionist eventually (after much wheedling) let me start introducing dairy again, via a cube of cheese every meal, to see how I'd react to it. PARADISE. Surprise, I didn't have a problem (I'm practically 1/8th cheese in my genetic make-up at this point), and soon after i went back to eating pretty much everything. Well, except soy. I never trusted that pesky soy anyway.
  • Cut to the last couple of months, when I've been casually seeing a Gastroentrologist. So far I've just had blood taken (LOTS of blood), and breath tests administered (which, for those of you who don't know, consists of fasting for 12 hours and then sitting in a waiting room watching Air Force One with a bunch of dudes for 3 hours). You know, dabbling in getting healthy.
  • Sooo one of the breath tests let me know I have SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth) - what? You didn't want to know that much information about me?
  • I researched SIBO and came up with the antidote - the SCDiet. It's pretty similar to the Paleo Diet the kids are talking about these days. No starches, no sugars, all fruits, veggies, meat.

So I rallied the troops and, relieved at last to finally have an answer, set about to figure out what it was NOW that I could eat. Since all bread/grains of any kind were out, that meant none of my trusty quinoa/rice/gluten-free pasta was an option. This week I tentatively started eating within those rules. Eggs and fruit for breakfast. Salads for lunch. Chicken and more salad for dinner. And cheese, glorious cheese, to get me through it all. I bought a SCD cookbook. Maybe this could work?

Then I visited my nutritionist, who told me everything I was trying to do was WRONG! And gave me a new list to follow, the FODMAP plan.

All of this switching is making me dizzy. Suddenly honey, which I've completed switched to as my go-to sweetener, is gone. Onions and garlic, my trusty lentil companions? Gone.

Now, I am relieved to get some gluten-free products back but SHE CHOSE TO MODIFY THE DIET BY TAKING OUT ALL OF ITS CHEESE. "Wait," I said, "it says right here I can have lactose-free cheeses!! Right here!!!!" And yet, she still crossed them out. With an angry pencil mark.

Just like that, all of my cheese gone again.

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