A Cocktail of Feelings

Tomorrow is going to be my first bout since I decided to go on a leave of absence. It's now been a year (almost exactly) since the first bout I was going to play in (which, then, got snowed out and I ended up playing in February instead - but shh. I'm calling it as a year!). This brings up some feelings. I really want to go to help make things happen and cheer on my team and support all the many derby peeps I've come to know and love. I want to make sure I stay connected so I don't feel completely alienated, now that I've had to take a break from practicing. But I just feel so sad. I was SO excited and into derby before, and it's terrible that I can't find time for it. I don't want to complain, because I'm happy with all the other things going on in my life, and I feel it's totally worth it to take a break while I work on other things this year. I honestly don't have time to commit fully to derby, and you have to commit fully to derby. In the short time I've been involved, I've seen a bunch of ladies struggle with this - the attrition rate in derby is crazy high, and there's a reason for it. The holy trilogy - injury, pregnancy, and - well, life.

I guess all I'm saying is - it feels really weird to be on the outskirts. It's hard for me to see something that huge put to the sidelines. I'm worried I'll never be able to come back.

. . . The bright side is my derby l'il sis is going to be skating in my uniform tomorrow.