When Your Neck No Longer Wants to be Friends

About a month ago, I started getting this really curious sensation. At first I was like "HO, wow, I'm even clumsier than I thought - I spilled coffee all down my thigh!" Except I wasn't drinking any coffee. Or holding any coffee. I filed it away into the "oh you crazy body" category and promptly forgot about it. It kept happening, and more frequently. I continued to ignore it.

Then I started to get pins and needles in my hands - you guys remember pins and needles, right? That sensation you get after you almost break your foot walking on it when it's asleep. All that weird feeling comes rushing back, in the form of prickles and sparks and ouches.

Prickly, sparkly pins and needles and spilling coffee down my leg. I thought there might be something off.

Now, because I am a person prone to anxiety, I wasn't sure the best course of action. Do I dare researching it online? Do I just tell everyone I know and let them tell me I'm a freak? Finally I dabbled online, fully expecting cancer, which didn't disappoint me. But another pleasant one was stroke - ah, yes, STROKE! That classic. My fiancee wisely advised me to do things to treat my anxiety first while I waited to see the doctor. Take a bath, drink wine, relax. Which I did, while thinking STROKE-STROKE-STROKE and my appendages prickled off into the night.

Eventually I got to see some doctors, and they diagnosed me as having nerve damage/compression. They kept asking me: "Have you been in a car accident recently?" "Hurt yourself physically in any way?" "Done anything unusual?" I remembered I carried a heavy table for longer than I should've, and brought that up - but realized I did that after my symptoms started. They were disappointed. Slowly it dawned on me - I was injured from SITTING. LOTS OF INAPPROPRIATE SITTING. My posture sitting is a cross between Nightcrawler and a tree frog. I perch, I sit on my feet, I twist my legs around like a pretzel. I don't sit straight, and I sure as hell don't put both feet down on the floor.

I just didn't realize it could get this bad. Sure, I've been sore from not exercising before. Too many days without physical activity of some sort and my muscles decide I've contracted the flu. But when my neck/back decides to start pinching nerves in order to let me know it hates my lifestyle - that's a low blow. That's some middle school / going around talking behind myย back bullshit right there.

So I've had an MRI done (which is the equivalent of a horrible indie rock/muppet band who've created an album dedicated to preventing you from ever sleeping again) and a blood test done (this time the terrifying technician threatened me with having to draw blood FROM MY HAND if my veins didn't snap to attention) and physical therapy, and what they've determined is that, yes, I am out of whack and that's all there is to it. I don't have a vitamin deficiency or MS, I am a delicate flower who cannot handle sitting for long. And as grateful as I am that it's not anything worse, I'm pretty embarrassed.

So now I have "restorative yoga" classes on my schedule and foam rolling every day and 2 ball chairs to sit on. I'm hoping that, like my stupid diet problems, this will be yet another thing that forces me to be a healthier person. I just wanted to vent to you all. And preach the importance of getting up frequently and freaking out your coworkers by only talking to them while standing up.

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