I actually don't have a problem separating the derby on-the-track with the derby off-the-track. Well ... at least not yet. I've been smacked down by some bitches who seemed relentless for me, until I finally got annoyed enough to strike back and try to at least hold my position. Sure, sometimes I use that as motivation when I'm jamming and hovering ... looking at the pack and wondering why the hell I'm doing any of this ... oh yeah, there's someone in there I can hit without regret, because that chick laid me out last time. Okay, that makes it a little easier. And ... go! It's weird that the only times I've felt successful in hitting people are when they hit me first. I feel like I no longer have to worry about anything or hold back - because they made the initial strike. That doesn't make too much sense in derby, because it's all about aggression and surgical strikes. But I have trouble with aggression until it's up in my face and pissing me off. Then ... I'm fine. That frees me up to do the things I'm supposed to be doing.
And then, when it's all over? I'm cool. (Again ... so far) I can talk to them, we can plan events and I can hand them postcards and organize schedules, even though I remember the last 20 minutes them pounding me into oblivion. And I can size them up for being a normal person again, not just a stubborn obstacle. It may not last, but for the time being ... I'm glad it's cool.