Chips While Driving

I'm a fan of resolutions because I like creating "fresh starts" for myself all over the place. It's an excuse to reinvent myself in some small way, or shake up the humdrum of my routine, or just a way to figure out how to tackle a problem I've been struggling with. Just like Valentine's Day, I view New Year's Day as an opportunity/excuse to do something fun and positive and productive. I don't whine about the reality of whether or not resolutions "actually work". I don't scoff at someone I love trying to do something nice for me on Valentine's Day because "it's a fabricated holiday". So unfortunately, this year I'm already having to make some tough decisions about what I want to do, and what I have time enough to actually do. This year I'll be working on a 2nd graphic novel and more responsibility at my day job. And since I've already been operating as a crazy person from having to juggle work, comic work, freelance work, derby, and derby art committee work, it came time for me to choose.

(And this is really difficult. I'm a Libra, you see.)

So after a lot of hemming and hawing and asking everyone else I knew for their opinion, then promptly ignoring their advice (as is my custom whenever debating anything), ... I at last came to the conclusion that, sadly, I have to hang up my skates for the moment. This is a big, big frowny face for me. Never in my life have I taken on something as challenging and thrilling and wonderful and had to work so hard to earn a place for it in my life. But the sad truth is I can't just skate and go to bouts. Derby requires a lot of love, hard work, participation, and perhaps most wonderfully - it asks for your help in creating it. You don't get to just be a visitor in the land of Derby. Oh no. It loves you, but it asks a lot out of you. And if you're not careful, you'll let it ask for more than you can give.

So I don't want to dwell at this for the moment, because honestly I still haven't made any final decisions about everything (Libra). All I know is if I stay in derby, I'll do a shitty job and will end up bitter and annoyed at every aspect of my life because I'm stretched too thin. For right now, I'm taking a break from the skating part, and helping transition other people into doing more of the committee work I've been doing. Ease my way to the side. And then, when I'm ready and have my act together, I can come back to derby a healthy and whole person again. Because it deserves no less.


My cat has the right idea - let's move forward and enjoy it, okay? My resolutions are going to be gradual but ambitious. Set goals and inch towards them. Unlike the dude I saw shoving chips into his mouth while driving, talking on his cell about his new gym membership, I will be under no illusions as to what I can and can't handle.