Year-iversary

That's right, I almost forgot! A year ago I made it into the league and officially became fresh meat. For a while, that was ALL that I wanted. I was all, "Hey, I never have to be better than this, I don't have to improve at any given rate because I'm IN!!"

Yeah, right - that spirit didn't last. It took my first assessment to bring out my competitve rage -- WHY DOES EVERYONE ELSE RULE AT THIS AND I DON'T?? After that, it was all over. I just had to get better, I had to be on even footing with the others I'd tried out with, I had to get on a team! ... 5 months later, after failing every assessment the first time but passing the second, I was drafted one week after my final assessment. Woo hoo!

So what have I learned over the past year? I started out in derby with a fierce desire to get in, get better, get crackin'. That was all I wanted, and I was convince my heart and my life had plenty of room for derby. I wanted all of its goodness, just for me. I approached each practice like my skills and potential were "on hold" so I wouldn't get too discouraged. "So what if I suck at all of these drills?" I'd tell myself. I'd get better, so there was no use worrying about it in the meantime. SURVIVAL, that's all I wanted. Survival, and not to look like a complete ass. As long as I'm not the worst, and I don't let myself get too frustrated, I'm fine.

That motivation worked for a little while, then came scrimmage time. Until I was eligible to scrimmage, my freshie group and I spent scrimmage nights working on basics in a corner of the rink while the big girls got to duke it out in the main space. For 5 consecutive weeks, someone got seriously injured at each and every one of those scrimmage practices that we witnessed. Each injury guaranteed that that particular skater would be off the league and in recovery for a WHILE. So my fellow freshies and I watched, terrified, dreading the time our chance to scrimmage came about. When it finally did, it was a clusterfuck. Limbs flying everywhere. But I was shocked to discover that I lived, and didn't break anything, and actually got back up after being knocked down. Crazy!

Bouting came next, and that's where the real nerves set in. There was just something about ALL of those people watching, friends and family seeing,  ... the public viewing of my skills that instantly turned my legs to jelly and my nerves to mush. I just let myself get beat on over and over, hoping that I'd at least walk away from the bout. It was always fun seeing the look of horror on my parents' faces as I was knocked for a loop right in front of their seats.

After I had a couple bouts under my belt, my work situation changed and long hours were required. I was able to attend practice less and less. Friends of mine in the league stopped going or quit altogether. I had one more bout and then my season was over - I still had to attend practice and keep my skills up, but it was hard to get motivated. A new crop of fresh meat came in, all eager and shiny and new, and I faded into the background. Not an experienced vet, not a shiny new meatie. More commitments and work piled up, I found practices inconvenient and scrimmages discouraging, and I seriously wondered how long I should play at this derby thing when I could risk breaking my wrist (aka my livelihood) every time I got out on the track. I wasn't that fast, I wasn't that agile, I can't block for shit, and the most I've ever been able to do is get in someone else's way. My team barely sees each other, more people I love are leaving, should I keep doing this?

I didn't have to mull it over for too long before I decided - yes. Of course, I should keep doing this. As terrifying and discouraging and frustrating and inconvenient and demanding as derby is, it's worth it. You won't know if you truly love something unless you put that much work into it. It's never going to be easy, but it is going to be fun and challenging and the feeling you get when you realize you've gotten a little bit better is oh-so-encouraging. As far as I'm concerned, the only thing I really need to manage is my attitude - this is fun. I LOVE this. I love the people and the rules and the community and everything involved. All the negativity I see is only coming from myself.

So yeah - droning on here, but after a year I think I'm allowed to look back and analyze stuff. Yay derby. Our relationship is in its sophomore year. :)

Crawl Back

It's hard getting my groove back - I have no idea how Stella did it. I'm still hiding from scrimmage practice. I have bad memories from the last time I went, got my ass kicked, felt horribly embarrassed, and had trouble breathing. It's so stupid, because it's mainly mental. I'm just getting back into regular practices and scrimmage just doesn't seem right until I've had a few good ones under my belt. I'm not sure what the deal is - I love practice, and I love how much I've improved. True, a lot of people I care about have dropped off of the derby landscape, especially recently. I think that goes a long way towards motivating me. When you feel like a little lone island in a sea of girls with much better skills than you, it's hard to amp yourself up. I love the challenge, but I let myself think too much about everything and it cripples me. This week my mindset is MUCH better. Practice with eager skatertots last weekend helped a lot. I forgot about the FUN part of derby! ... except, of course, when one girl broke her ankle in three places. Just from doing a turn-around-toe-stop. Yikes. That was the second time I'd seen a new skater topple over and break their ankle. Two times two many. Skating isn't a joke, people. The weird thing is I would never have had the guts to try a turn-around-toe-stop at high speeds when I was just starting (*ahem* . . . still don't). I love that this girl had the no guts no glory part down. Sometimes I think that makes the best skaters - I'm so cautious at times it really hampers my improvement.

Balls out is the way to be?

Crawl Back

It's hard getting my groove back - I have no idea how Stella did it. I'm still hiding from scrimmage practice. I have bad memories from the last time I went, got my ass kicked, felt horribly embarrassed, and had trouble breathing. It's so stupid, because it's mainly mental. I'm just getting back into regular practices and scrimmage just doesn't seem right until I've had a few good ones under my belt. I'm not sure what the deal is - I love practice, and I love how much I've improved. True, a lot of people I care about have dropped off of the derby landscape, especially recently. I think that goes a long way towards motivating me. When you feel like a little lone island in a sea of girls with much better skills than you, it's hard to amp yourself up. I love the challenge, but I let myself think too much about everything and it cripples me. This week my mindset is MUCH better. Practice with eager skatertots last weekend helped a lot. I forgot about the FUN part of derby! ... except, of course, when one girl broke her ankle in three places. Just from doing a turn-around-toe-stop. Yikes. That was the second time I'd seen a new skater topple over and break their ankle. Two times two many. Skating isn't a joke, people. The weird thing is I would never have had the guts to try a turn-around-toe-stop at high speeds when I was just starting (*ahem* . . . still don't). I love that this girl had the no guts no glory part down. Sometimes I think that makes the best skaters - I'm so cautious at times it really hampers my improvement.

Balls out is the way to be?

Derby Girl Day!

Today from 12 - 4:00 at Collectors Corner comic book store in Parkville, MD, the Charm City Roller Girls will descend to promote their art, challenge people to Rock Band, and generally awesome things up. I'll be selling my books and signing copies of JAM! so if you're in the area, come pay a visit to your friendly neighborhood rollergirl! :)

Derby Girl Day!

Today from 12 - 4:00 at Collectors Corner comic book store in Parkville, MD, the Charm City Roller Girls will descend to promote their art, challenge people to Rock Band, and generally awesome things up. I'll be selling my books and signing copies of JAM! so if you're in the area, come pay a visit to your friendly neighborhood rollergirl! :)

Derby Girl Day!

Today from 12 - 4:00 at Collectors Corner comic book store in Parkville, MD, the Charm City Roller Girls will descend to promote their art, challenge people to Rock Band, and generally awesome things up. I'll be selling my books and signing copies of JAM! so if you're in the area, come pay a visit to your friendly neighborhood rollergirl! :)

Unplugg-ed

Even just a couple days spent staring at a lake is good for the soul. Even though I couldn't skate on the dirt and gravel roads surrounding my extended family's cabin, I felt energized. I even managed to drag my boyfriend out to jog one morning - proof of the mystical powers of vacation! Before we left I felt pretty bogged down. My team doesn't play in a bout again until October, and let's just say at best, we have a reputation for being un-teamy with each other. Two of the teammates I'm closest to are leaving, and I feel stuck between eager freshies and seasoned vets who are annoyed that I suck. So ... All in all I haven't been feeling very motivated.

Luckily a good friend of mine is preparing for the next tryouts, and I found this great site of daily roller derby exercises. I've got a couple vacations under my belt, some ideas in mind on making the most out of my time ...

Derby seems to be all about highs and lows and plateaus. It's hard staying motivated and competitive and interested year round. So I laxed a little. So what? I think I'm ready to re-commit.

Unplugg-ed

Even just a couple days spent staring at a lake is good for the soul. Even though I couldn't skate on the dirt and gravel roads surrounding my extended family's cabin, I felt energized. I even managed to drag my boyfriend out to jog one morning - proof of the mystical powers of vacation! Before we left I felt pretty bogged down. My team doesn't play in a bout again until October, and let's just say at best, we have a reputation for being un-teamy with each other. Two of the teammates I'm closest to are leaving, and I feel stuck between eager freshies and seasoned vets who are annoyed that I suck. So ... All in all I haven't been feeling very motivated.

Luckily a good friend of mine is preparing for the next tryouts, and I found this great site of daily roller derby exercises. I've got a couple vacations under my belt, some ideas in mind on making the most out of my time ...

Derby seems to be all about highs and lows and plateaus. It's hard staying motivated and competitive and interested year round. So I laxed a little. So what? I think I'm ready to re-commit.

Can't Stop These Feet

I heart footwork drills. Especially when we spend time dissecting each part ad nauseum. What did I learn tonight? Edges and twisting the upper body. We had a special guest coach - the rink owner, who is not only a super kind guy, but an amazing figure skater to boot. At first I thought, "oh great, yet another person coaching who doesn't remember what it was like to suck ..." but luckily he was gracious and just concentrated on showing us a few simple ways to turn around and stay light on our feet. It seems simple enough - the ability to casually turn around while skating. But first you've gotta get this confidence and balance stuff out of the way. Then you can concentrate on whipping your hips and shoulders around - woop! - and make your feet follow. Woop!

Turning around has always been a challenge for me, but each time it's brought up it becomes so much more FUN! One practice we had a little while ago concentrated on jump turns, which I assumed would be painful and embarrassing. But soon I realized I just had to whip my hips around - woop! - and just maintain hang time and then I was golden. Me! Jumping AND turning at the same time! Me, who can't usually get all her limbs cooperating together!

So tonight, with the rink owner's teaching of a quicker way to turn around, and a lot of practice cutting and using the edges of our feet, I felt like I'd nudged my derby skills forward another small step. Woop!

Can't Stop These Feet

I heart footwork drills. Especially when we spend time dissecting each part ad nauseum. What did I learn tonight? Edges and twisting the upper body. We had a special guest coach - the rink owner, who is not only a super kind guy, but an amazing figure skater to boot. At first I thought, "oh great, yet another person coaching who doesn't remember what it was like to suck ..." but luckily he was gracious and just concentrated on showing us a few simple ways to turn around and stay light on our feet. It seems simple enough - the ability to casually turn around while skating. But first you've gotta get this confidence and balance stuff out of the way. Then you can concentrate on whipping your hips and shoulders around - woop! - and make your feet follow. Woop!

Turning around has always been a challenge for me, but each time it's brought up it becomes so much more FUN! One practice we had a little while ago concentrated on jump turns, which I assumed would be painful and embarrassing. But soon I realized I just had to whip my hips around - woop! - and just maintain hang time and then I was golden. Me! Jumping AND turning at the same time! Me, who can't usually get all her limbs cooperating together!

So tonight, with the rink owner's teaching of a quicker way to turn around, and a lot of practice cutting and using the edges of our feet, I felt like I'd nudged my derby skills forward another small step. Woop!

Ouchie ow wow

My legs are revolting against me. My inner thighs sear with ripped pain every time I go down stairs or go up stairs or take a step. And sitting down to go to the bathroom? That's the worst. Yes - this is what speed skating class does to me. The first hour of off-skates lower body exercises, sprinkled with random heart-pumping strength training, tire me out. Then I'm expected to pull on my pads over my pre-sweatied skin to begin skating for an hour straight. My legs all a-jello, my technique non-existent, I do my best to stay mobile and not give up. For a while, I stay in the "vets" line, pushing myself to keep up and feeling heartbroken the second I lagged behind and a vet scolds me. I get water, stretch my cramping feet, and then skate around the track by myself, behind the vet line, still participating but by alone in my slowness. If I start to get too sedentary, I rejoin the vet line, push myself, and then slip away before I get too frustrated and discouraged. When Fresh Meat are around, I join the Fresh Meat line, so I can continue at a pace and feel more like I belong. I tell myself I'll push myself and try the vets line at least once every practice. Sometimes it works, sometimes I defeat myself before I make it to the vets line, and head straight for the Fresh Meat line. There's no shame in this line, but I decide that I need to feel shame about it anyway.

Why do I participate in the speed skating session? Because I need to get faster, damnit! I've got what amounts to be the opposite of the skater's physique - I'm long and skinny and klutzy and have unwieldy limbs. If I can't bend my limbs to my will and get them to distract other skaters, I'm done for. If I can't dodge and fake and take off at lightspeed, then I'll be forced to continue with my current routine of getting knocked down, popping up, getting knocked down, etc., until I'm too exhausted to care anymore.

Therefore I've decided that speed skating = good. What's even better? Muscles that ache to that Nth degree that tell you that you're on to something. If you can get used to this shit, you're really getting somewhere.

Ouchie ow wow

My legs are revolting against me. My inner thighs sear with ripped pain every time I go down stairs or go up stairs or take a step. And sitting down to go to the bathroom? That's the worst. Yes - this is what speed skating class does to me. The first hour of off-skates lower body exercises, sprinkled with random heart-pumping strength training, tire me out. Then I'm expected to pull on my pads over my pre-sweatied skin to begin skating for an hour straight. My legs all a-jello, my technique non-existent, I do my best to stay mobile and not give up. For a while, I stay in the "vets" line, pushing myself to keep up and feeling heartbroken the second I lagged behind and a vet scolds me. I get water, stretch my cramping feet, and then skate around the track by myself, behind the vet line, still participating but by alone in my slowness. If I start to get too sedentary, I rejoin the vet line, push myself, and then slip away before I get too frustrated and discouraged. When Fresh Meat are around, I join the Fresh Meat line, so I can continue at a pace and feel more like I belong. I tell myself I'll push myself and try the vets line at least once every practice. Sometimes it works, sometimes I defeat myself before I make it to the vets line, and head straight for the Fresh Meat line. There's no shame in this line, but I decide that I need to feel shame about it anyway.

Why do I participate in the speed skating session? Because I need to get faster, damnit! I've got what amounts to be the opposite of the skater's physique - I'm long and skinny and klutzy and have unwieldy limbs. If I can't bend my limbs to my will and get them to distract other skaters, I'm done for. If I can't dodge and fake and take off at lightspeed, then I'll be forced to continue with my current routine of getting knocked down, popping up, getting knocked down, etc., until I'm too exhausted to care anymore.

Therefore I've decided that speed skating = good. What's even better? Muscles that ache to that Nth degree that tell you that you're on to something. If you can get used to this shit, you're really getting somewhere.

Derby + Nerds = Fabulous!

Okay I have to take a break from the regularly scheduled griping about learning how to play roller derby to mention .... ... That Oni Press's Derby Anthology, JAM! is out in stores today!!! Woop woop! Written by rollergirls, drawn by comickers, it's the perfect blend of everything ... well, that I've ever wanted!

Comic lovers - Get out there and hug a derby girl!

Derby girls - We've conquered another media outlet!

I have a l'il eight page story in the book about when I was first learning how to skate  ... (which was seriously not that long ago ... we're talking end of 2008 - eek!) It's crazy to think how much has happened since then. Rest assured I still feel awkward, still make shrill bird noises when I fall, and still wonder what the hell I think I'm doing out there. But now I feel a part of this world and no longer on my tippy toes, craning to get a look inside. Yay!

Derby + Nerds = Fabulous!

Okay I have to take a break from the regularly scheduled griping about learning how to play roller derby to mention .... ... That Oni Press's Derby Anthology, JAM! is out in stores today!!! Woop woop! Written by rollergirls, drawn by comickers, it's the perfect blend of everything ... well, that I've ever wanted!

Comic lovers - Get out there and hug a derby girl!

Derby girls - We've conquered another media outlet!

I have a l'il eight page story in the book about when I was first learning how to skate  ... (which was seriously not that long ago ... we're talking end of 2008 - eek!) It's crazy to think how much has happened since then. Rest assured I still feel awkward, still make shrill bird noises when I fall, and still wonder what the hell I think I'm doing out there. But now I feel a part of this world and no longer on my tippy toes, craning to get a look inside. Yay!

Derby + Nerds = Fabulous!

Okay I have to take a break from the regularly scheduled griping about learning how to play roller derby to mention .... ... That Oni Press's Derby Anthology, JAM! is out in stores today!!! Woop woop! Written by rollergirls, drawn by comickers, it's the perfect blend of everything ... well, that I've ever wanted!

Comic lovers - Get out there and hug a derby girl!

Derby girls - We've conquered another media outlet!

I have a l'il eight page story in the book about when I was first learning how to skate  ... (which was seriously not that long ago ... we're talking end of 2008 - eek!) It's crazy to think how much has happened since then. Rest assured I still feel awkward, still make shrill bird noises when I fall, and still wonder what the hell I think I'm doing out there. But now I feel a part of this world and no longer on my tippy toes, craning to get a look inside. Yay!

Committee Commitment

So when you join a roller derby league, it is required that you participate in one of the many roller derby committees. These committees range in scope from governance of the league, to bout production, to merchandise, to grievance, etc. etc. By participating, every skater takes an active role in the development of the league, and the league becomes truly skater owned and operated. So this is awesome. What is not awesome, is spending a huge amount of your free time and skipping practices in order to do said work on the committee. It takes a shit-ton of work to make a roller derby league run like a well-oiled machine. And considering that the skaters on the league vary from full-time students holding down part-time jobs to working mothers with multiple jobs, it's a wonder any of us have time to play derby in general. So when you add in all the practicing, running and skating in bouts, making appearances at local events ... it starts to add up.

And I'm pretty bad at time management (apparently). I want to do everything all of the time. I don't want to miss out on anything. I want to be able to do all the things I enjoy doing, and help out wherever I can. Is that so unreasonable? Unfortunately, this has been WAY easier said than done and now I'm struggling. Luckily we have a wave of super awesome fresh meat coming in, and their enthusiasm can help replenish the vets and the not-so-vets (like me - not even been in derby a year yet) from feeling so overwhelmed and burnt out.

I hope so anyway. Woof.

Committee Commitment

So when you join a roller derby league, it is required that you participate in one of the many roller derby committees. These committees range in scope from governance of the league, to bout production, to merchandise, to grievance, etc. etc. By participating, every skater takes an active role in the development of the league, and the league becomes truly skater owned and operated. So this is awesome. What is not awesome, is spending a huge amount of your free time and skipping practices in order to do said work on the committee. It takes a shit-ton of work to make a roller derby league run like a well-oiled machine. And considering that the skaters on the league vary from full-time students holding down part-time jobs to working mothers with multiple jobs, it's a wonder any of us have time to play derby in general. So when you add in all the practicing, running and skating in bouts, making appearances at local events ... it starts to add up.

And I'm pretty bad at time management (apparently). I want to do everything all of the time. I don't want to miss out on anything. I want to be able to do all the things I enjoy doing, and help out wherever I can. Is that so unreasonable? Unfortunately, this has been WAY easier said than done and now I'm struggling. Luckily we have a wave of super awesome fresh meat coming in, and their enthusiasm can help replenish the vets and the not-so-vets (like me - not even been in derby a year yet) from feeling so overwhelmed and burnt out.

I hope so anyway. Woof.

Circuitousness

A couple weeks ago my derby life came full circle -- I got to volunteer at tryouts for the new crop of fresh meat. It was surreal - 9 months ago I was on the other side of the fence, sweating and feeling overheated in my helmet and vomitous in my stomach. Every drill instantly put me out of breath because I was so nervous. The drill I dreaded most -- the 23 laps in 5 minutes, pass or fail -- luckily was the second thing we did. After that, and after the blessed rollergirl counting my laps told me I'd passed, I could enjoy the rest of the tryouts with minimal vomitousness. Revisiting tryouts AS a rollergirl was incredibly validating. Not only did I finally feel like I'd improved, but I knew it was possible for each and every one of these girls to one day make it as a rollergirl. They might not realize it yet, but I did. I loved seeing how nervous and excited they all were and how hard they were willing to try. This time around we got a HUGE number of girls who were interested, and a large percentage of them made the league. I've been to a couple practices with the freshies and been appointed a big sis to one of them. Plus, a good friend of mine has recently nabbed an interest in derby and is following along in very similar footsteps as I did to get ready to play.

Derby is everywhere. More and more women are getting interested in it. We'll take over the worrrrrlllllddd!

Survival of the Rookies!

I did it. I successfully completed my first derby season! (True, I only got to skate in 3/5 games, but still) No injuries yet, *knock knock* and I'm slowwwwwly improving every time.

It's amazing how sick to my stomach and terrified I was yesterday, and totally convinced I didn't want to go out there. I don't know what it is - the crowds? The pressure? My team was last place going in and playing a team we love, so pressure was nonexistent. I guess it was because I (naturally) got picked out as the weak member of the herd and was successfully held back by 3 players of the opposing team more than once. Oh well. My family says I got up quicker than ever when knocked down! AND even resisted falling down when hit a few times! AND - gasp - successfully kept one of our league's best jammers back for more than a few seconds!

That smells like progress.

Now I'm super excited to just go to practice and work on my skills without having to perform in front of a live audience once a month! Bring on the summer season!

Hopeless Slackass

Okay, I admit I got the title for this post from an episode of Frasier (yes - I loved Frasier!). Frasier was out shopping for a replacement recliner for his father and was so dismayed at the brand name "La-Z-Boy" that he said: "I wonder what they call the deluxe model - the Hopeless Slackass??" Tee hee. *ahem* So anyway ...

Work and comic fun has disrupted my normal derby practice and exercise regime, so now I'm trying to bust back into it so I can start making real progress. Plus, a friend of mine has recently developed an interest in derby AND this friend used to work out quite a lot, so she's been sharing some exercise advice with me. I don't know about y'all, but one thing I desperately need help with is my core. The plank kills me, and in derby you have to depend on your core muscles a LOT (hello sprawls and falls!) but it's one of those things where it seems like an impossible area to develop.

She passed along a couple of links:

• General Core Info with some exercises
• Core Exercises using a ball
• More Exercises ...

Truthfully, I haven't tried any yet, but I'm excited to. I've also discovered EA Fitness for the Wii, which is much more challenging than Wii Fit and features a lot of leg-heavy exercises that are great for building up skating muscles. I was annoyed that the exercises still seemed hard after all the derby practice (squats, then jump squats, then lunges, then jump lunges in a row??) but it can only make things easier in the long run. I've found that it's only when doing some endurance drill that stretches on forever, just as I'm considering giving up, that I'll notice I'm a wee bit stronger than I've been before. Oy - what a feeling. :)

Feel free to share your exercise regimes - I need all the help I can get!